If you’ve never tried anal, the first time can be painful as your anus gets used to penetration. However, with the right lubrication and positioning it shouldn’t hurt at all.
Make sure you’re using enough lube and always use condoms. Communicate with your partner throughout anal play. Tell them if it feels good and bad, and if you need to stop.
1. Deep Breathing
If you aren’t relaxed, anal sex can hurt. Tense muscles are the biggest reason for pain during anal play and a great way to get more relaxed is by doing deep breathing before sex. The breath will help to relax the anal muscles and make it easier to insert your man’s penis or a sex toy.
Another tip to reduce anal pain is having your partner massage the outside of your anus before sex. This can be very sensual and will also loosen the anal muscles. You can even try giving your partner a sensual anal massage and asking them to reciprocate. This can be a lot of fun and will increase the anal sensitivity making it less painful during penetration.
Another reason why anal sex can be painful is that it is too fast or too intense. Slowing down, using plenty of lube, and communicating with your partner during anal sex can all reduce pain. Always start with fingers or small sex toys and slowly work your way up to a penis or larger sex toy.
2. Position
Anal sex can be painful and uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be! Using lots of lube, starting small with just a finger or dilator and making sure you and your partner are both happy and relaxed can make anal play more pleasurable.
The anus is tight and the entrance can be very sensitive. It’s important to use good quality lube, as this can decrease discomfort and prevent irritation. Some people also find that multifunctional desensitizing gels (available in sex shops) can help with anal pain, as they decrease the sensitivity but keep the pleasure.
You can also try different positions to see what works best. For many, the doggy position is comfortable, but you can also try spooning or going on top. The key is to get your body and anus completely relaxed, so make sure you’re both happy and turned on!
Finally, it’s always a good idea to use protection against STIs, whether that’s PrEP, condoms or dental dams. This will ensure you’re both safe and protected, which can reduce anxiety and increase trust in your relationship.
3. Lubrication
Lube isn’t just for the vagina—the anus needs a bit of lube, too. Anal sex without enough lubrication can cause friction that feels painful. Using multifunctional desensitizing gels can decrease the pain while still allowing you to feel sensations. Just make sure that you and your partner use lubricant on the same area of your anus for safety.
Don’t put your penis or dildo in the anus right away—your anus may need to adjust to its presence. Instead, start with fingers or small sex toys and gradually work up to penetration. The more your anus is used to the presence of a penis, the less it will hurt during anal sex.
It’s important to communicate with your partner about anal play before you begin and throughout the process, as well. You can talk about positions, what you like and dislike, pressure, etc. You can also discuss boundaries and create a safe word so that you can stop if anything is uncomfortable or painful. Also, don’t be afraid to ask your partner if you can use a different position—that could make a big difference in making anal not hurt.
4. Cleanliness
It may seem like common sense, but cleanliness is key to making anal play more comfortable. Whether you’re playing with a partner or solo, it’s important to start out clean. That means emptying your bowels prior to anal play and washing the area with mild soap and water, or unscented baby wipes. Using dry toilet paper is not hygienic and can actually irritate the skin of the anus and cause pain.
Douching is also a good way to clean out the anal canal, but it’s important not to do it too frequently or with too much pressure. Overdoing it can lead to irritation, which increases the risk of micro-tears and infection. This is particularly dangerous when you’re engaging in anal sex, as it can allow bacteria to enter your bloodstream and potentially infect your partner.
To avoid this, opt for a silicone-based lubricant that doesn’t wash off with water and is long-lasting. Coconu personal lubricants are a great choice because they contain no alcohol, petroleum oils, parabens, glycerin, gluten, phylates or dyes. Plus, they’re body-safe and compatible with latex and natural rubber condoms and sex toys.
5. Relaxation
If you are relaxed, anal sex can be fun. Taking deep breaths and using plenty of lube will make it less painful to go down. However, some women may find that the anal sphincters (which open and close to push bowel movements out of the body) tighten up during anal play, making it uncomfortable. This is completely normal and is nothing to worry about.
Your anus is surrounded by millions of nerves, and the muscles around it are sensitive too. When they are too tense, it can feel like you’re going to poop (even if you’re not). To help make anal sex less painful, it’s important to massage the muscles and get them warmed up before using them.
Try stroking the anal with your fingers for foreplay to warm up the area. It’s also a good idea to use lots of lube during foreplay and to ask your partner to insert slowly. Lube can also reduce the risk of tearing (which can cause pain and increase the risk of infection and STI transmission). Having a clear understanding of anal anatomy can help you to relax and enjoy anal play.
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